I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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