I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
