where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
