I cannot find my penis.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
