Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
