eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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