U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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