I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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