I'm so fucking centered right now
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
