Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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