Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
