i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the liver wants what the liver wants
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
