So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think your dad took our porno
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
