Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i think my cat just said my name.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
