I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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