A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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