East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
