no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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