i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
