why do cheetos always look like penises
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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