we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need to calm my uterus...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
