i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize