things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
