Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
