Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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