The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
