I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
