We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
