using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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