its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just pee around me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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