PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
