She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize