covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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