remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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