as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
