i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
