Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Come share oat with me in your robe
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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