Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
