reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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