I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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