Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
