You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
