we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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