I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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