I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
