Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
