Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize