and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
