My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
