I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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