I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Everclear isn't food dammit
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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