if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
