you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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