Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Actions speak louder than pants.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
