he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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