I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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