Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
