i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
