Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
