Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize