im having a threesome with these popsicles
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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