8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
