My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hippo gnu deer
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
