He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
