I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
