Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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