it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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