After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
