put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
