I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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