Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
