Yo dont text me then not text me
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
