glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
