i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
