And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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