I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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