We're facebook friends in real life
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
