Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Bring me that man meat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
