what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
