im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
